Sunday, September 23, 2007

A True & Faythfull Account of the Tryals and Misfortunes of Jenny Lind

This morning as I dressed my dear infant Jesse, on this the first day of fall, my mind pondered upon the virtue and propriety of dressing infants in onesies. As cold weather sets in, methought, well-cared babies wear onesies each day under their clothes. In the course of its idle ramblings upon the many & diverse paths of thought, my mind did alight upon the gem that onsies also prevent said babies from reaching, and thereby removing, their diapers. This I had learned in the course of my years as a mother.

Despite these thoughts, I did not, nay did not, put a onsie on Jesse. And that, dear reader, is where the tragedy of this tale begins.

After church I indulged in a long and unbroken slumber. The fan in the bathroom adjoining my bed chamber provided such a sweet murmur as to drown out the bumps and rumbles of my four older children as they entertained themselves in their playroom below. And yet, alas, that sweet fan did also prevent me from hearing the warning sounds from Jesse’s chamber, as Jesse did not nap, but performed a task very, very different in quality and nature.

I will not violate your tender sensibilities with a description of the scene of base destruction and degradation that did assault my eyes upon entering the chamber. Allow me to present only these two items of fact as established in the public record:

First, infant crib slats must be no more than 2-3/8" apart.

Second, Jesse’s crib is a lovely Jenny Lind, which means that each of its 50 slats is comprised of approximately 27 grooves and bumps.

And that’s all I have to say about that.


  1. Oh Ang! That's awful! So much for a restful nap! It always amazes me how quicky a truley blissfull nap can be un-done. But at least your post is not about what I thought it was going to be about - a recalled crib. When I saw the picture of your crib I thought for sure you had one of those cribs from China that they just recalled because it already had killed 3 babies.

  2. What a way with words...

    Poor Jenny Lind and poor Angela!

  3. A lady in church recently recalled a simaller story involving sick child, a diaper and the wall adjacent to the crib.
    Upon walking in to find the mess her initial disgust was supplanted by some kind of ?Motherly compassion?
    I don't know... that's where she lost me.

  4. I think someday very soon you and Kelly will experience the odd juxtaposition of compassion, love, and all kinds of hitherto unmentionable body substances. I think every time I've had a baby I've had a moment where I've marveled that I'm lying in bed that contains virtually every human excretion in existence....Maybe we should have this conversation later...or never.