Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Breaking up is hard to do

Jesse is starting to break up with me.

Time was, I was his moon, his sun and stars. A day didn't begin until he was in my arms. He lived life from within the circle of my orbit. The separation of his body from mine at his birth was never really complete--to him, we were practically the same person.

From the moment he could talk, nearly every word he had to say was addressed to me. "Milk, Mom." "I got helicopter, Mom." "Want binkie, Mom." "See bird, Mom."

These days, he checks in less often, more briefly, and with less passion. He has things to do and a bigger pack to run with.

I spent 2 1/2 years filling him up with sweetness and love, with the hope that sweetness and love will come pouring back out for the rest of his life. Holding him as close as he wanted to be, until he's ready to swing out into the world in circles that grow wider and wider, taking him farther and farther from me.


  1. awe.....it's one of those happy/hard moments. They grow too fast!

  2. Ironic because our sweet Ginger is starting the same process and I was just thinking about it the other day. She is certainly becoming "less sweet" each day as she develops into a real human being instead of just a synthetic steady stream of cuteness and cuddles.

  3. Way to pull at those heart strings, Ang. Sheesh. The words, the pics. Ugh. I guess I never really felt that I had a strong hold on Asher. He's been trying to widen his circle since he was born. But I definitely can see feeling that way about Isaiah some day too soon.

  4. And you and Jesse both look like supermodel/rockstars in that one pic.

  5. Bro, I never said less sweet--just less mine. Actually, I think they lose a lot of sweetness about the same time they start losing teeth.

  6. Thank you Angela! I've just finished snuggling in Sabina's crib (yes, all the way in) where I was aware of the same tender fleeting quality of this time.

    I squeezed her fuzzy belly and nuzzled into her sweaty neck while she giggled and sang.

    Then I climbed out. We mother widen the circles too, circling farther but always tender.

  7. Angel, you are a marvelous writer. That was very poignant - it almost wanted to make one cry.

    Liz called me over when she first looked at this blog. She showed me the photo of you and Jesse Earl, pointing out your blue eyes, and how you just seem to get more beautiful every day. But my point is that even though your children's circle continue to widen, they don't ever really break the strings. Liz and I sit back and watch all you guys from a distance and marvel at what we've started.
    Life is good!

    Love ya, Dad

  8. Oh, so sweet! I'm not looking forward to letting my boy go....