Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Fa-reakin' Out

It's one o'clock on Tuesday and I've just settled down to work on resumes when the phone rings. I think of asking one of the boys to get it, but they've just settled down for their daily dose of Lego StarWars on the computer. So I answer the phone.

"Hi, this is Kirsten, I'm a Resource Family Consultant." I can't hear very well through the sound of dueling light sabers, but I hear enough to realize, "This is it!" The call!

An eighteen-month-old girl may be coming into foster care this afternoon. There's a court hearing at 4:00, and the outcome will determine (among many other things) if our family will have a new member for dinner.

I spend several minutes jumping up and down in my room. I'm surprised how excited I am. An eighteen-month-old! A girl! Just what we need!!!!!

I announce the news to the Lego StarWars crowd and get a bored, "Huhh." Very unsatisfying.

What should I do? Nothing. If she comes, we'll need to get the crib out of the attic and shuffle bedrooms and cancel tonight's Primary meeting and acquire an additional carseat--but there's no sense in doing it now. I can't even tell Mark to come home early--by the time we hear the outcome of court, he'll be on his way.

The afternoon ticks by slowly, minute by minute. I accomplish nothing. I can't focus, and I can't decide what to do with myself. In the end, I clean my shower--because, really, what situation isn't improved by a clean bathroom?--and kill some time watching Jon Stewart.

Finally at 6:00 they're out of court. The judge didn't take the girl into custody, and my heart sinks. I feel I've lost my baby--even though that's ridiculous since I know nothing about her and since I should be rooting for Mom to get her act together.

There's another hearing in two weeks and it's still a possibility that this girl will come to our family. I'm surprised at how sad I feel, how possessive, how concerned about this girl's next two weeks.

Are my feelings premonitions? Am I psycho? Will this girl one day be my daughter? Only time will tell.

4 comments:

  1. I don't think you are crazy. I think those excited feelings are normal when you are waiting for that call. If only we would EVER get a call! It's been 5 months.... nothing.

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  2. I think those feelings you are having is probably why God gave us 9 months to get used to the idea of having a baby in "the old fashioned way". That's a lot to think about in 1 day! Our prayers will be with her and you.

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  3. You are not normal in the sense that I think few people have the love for a child that is not yet their own as you do. But your feelings seem good and right and enviable.

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  4. Not psycho...just anxiously engaged. I can't imagine how hard that roller coaster would be. I am sure there is another little one out there just waitng for you to save it.

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