Let me just say that everyone’s afternoon is a whole lot better if I can get Jesse to, uh, poop before he goes in his room for quiet time after lunch. So we have what has actually become a lovely little tradition in which I sit on a stool in the bathroom and tell him a story to keep him on the pot long enough to do his business. Today he requested a story about a lion king and a robot. And this is what he got.
Once there was a lion who was the king of the jungle. One day, as he walked through his kingdom, he saw a strange thing in the tall grass. As he got closer, he saw that it was a silver box, with strange blinking red lights.
“I have never seen anything like this before!” said the lion king. He reached out a paw to touch the box and suddenly it began flashing and beeping.
“I. Am. A. Robot,” it said. “I. Can. Do. Anything. You. Wish.”
“Anything?” asked the lion king.
“Yes. I Can Do Anything,” said the robot.
The lion king thought for a moment. “Well,” he said, “my land has been without rain for many months. We do not have enough grass for the animals to eat. Can you make rain?”
“Yes. I. Can,” replied the robot, and he shot a laser beam up high into the sky. The laser hit a cloud, and down came rain.
All the animals were so happy with the rain that they had a big celebration for the robot. They built a bonfire and danced in the firelight late into the night.
Later, as the lion king was falling asleep, he noticed the robot, flashing quietly in the corner.
“What’s the matter?” asked the lion king.
“I. Am. Sad,” said the robot.
“Why are you sad?” asked the lion king. “You made a happy day for all the animals and we made a big party for you.”
“I. Am. Lonely,” said the robot. “I. Miss. My. Girlfriend. She. Is. Stuck. On. A. Star.”
All that night long the lion king thought about the soft rain, the happy animals, and the sad, flashing robot. By the time dawn touched the morning, the lion king had a plan.
He ran through the jungle gathering all the animals to help. The monkeys flew from branch to branch and found the tallest tree in all the jungle. The giraffes searched the jungle to find the longest vine. The parrots tied the longest vine to the top of the tallest tree, and soon the animals had built a slingshot. The lion king placed the robot in the slingshot, and the elephants pulled, and pulled, and PULLED until—snap!—the robot went flying into the sky, like a star himself.
The animals looked into the sky for a few quiet moments, then they walked back to their homes.
Many days and nights passed. The animals grew fat from all the lovely green grass. But in quiet moments the lion king would pause and look into the sky and wonder about his friend the robot.
One day, another amazing thing happened to the animals. The parrot noticed it first. It was like a silver star flying through the sky. The monkeys saw it as it grew closer. The giraffes craned their necks to watch it arc through the sky and, finally, land right on the lion king’s doorstep.
Sure enough, it was the robot! And wrapped in his strange silver arms, was another little robot. His girlfriend!
And they all lived happily ever after.