So here’s what happened: I was sitting in sacrament meeting one generic Sunday when a prompting fell upon me like a giant drop of water falling onto my head—ploop—“You should get pregnant.”
“No, no, no,” I scoffed. And over the next several days all the reasons why this was impractical, uncomfortable, expensive, and unrealistic cycled through my mind. But I had walked through an invisible wall, into the land of “You should get pregnant,” and there was no going back.
As I’ve said, Mark and I have felt guided and directed at all of our lives’ major junctures, and even when the prompting has told us to do crazy things like get married, have another baby, become foster parents, or finish that Ph.D., we’ve followed through and always been grateful for it. So despite all objections, get pregnant we did.
This may seem to you like pretty banal news, but it feels like a big deal to me. A twenty-five-year old with two or three kids announce she’s pregnant and receives an “Awww, how sweet!” and a “Congratulations!” A thirty-eight-year-old who already has five kids? She gets, “Uhh, was this on purpose?” And that’s what people say. Quietly, they’re thinking, “Aren’t you a bit long in the tooth? Aren’t your hands full already? Isn’t that kind of crazy?” Now every time I’m frazzled or disheveled, I’ll be providing the world with evidence that I’ve bitten off more than I can chew.
So I’m ten weeks pregnant. And they’ve been rough weeks. I’ve spent them lying in what feels like a drug-induced stupor of exhaustion, clenching my teeth and clutching icy glasses of Diet Pepsi. I’m feeling much, much better now and ready to rejoin the land of the living.
We announced the news to the kids last night for Family Home Evening, and they were very excited. Levi keeps coming up to me and snuggling my stomach. Haley keeps saying, “I hope it’s a girl!” while the boys respond flatly, “It won’t be.” Last night, Logan announced, “You sit here while I clean the kitchen, for I am your fateful [sic] servant.”
Mark and I have been calling this baby Coda, because it is our grand finale.