Nineteen Years

It was a bit of a night.

Poor Haley paid many visits to Dr. Ralph in the dramatic way that is her specialty. You see the obvious implications there. Miss Bits woke with a diaper load. By early morning, Jesse was snuggled up with the wet wipes package in Mark's vacated spot in the bed.

I shuffled downstairs with a squirming baby in one hand, a redhead trailing behind. And there on the counter was a CD from Mark. I grinned in recognition. Because it was our anniversary, and Mark--'80s boy as he is--is an aficionado of the commemorative mixed tape (or CD as they call them these days).

Our long row of stockings makes me feel proud of what we've built together.

I grinned all morning as I listened to each song. I've been the recipient of enough of these CDs to know that in Mark's highly ordered mind there's a reason for each song and its place in the playlist. I could identify the phrase, band back-story, or prior conversation that merited each song's inclusion. At one point--during The Smith's There Is a Light That Never Goes Out--Haley asked me, "What are you laughing about?" Morrissey wailed "Take me out, toniiight."

"Dad is sending me a secret message," I said.

So take him out that night I did. We saw the new Mission Impossible movie. (Our review: meh.) I love watching movies with Mark. We can make inside jokes to each other about improbable plot twists or gagworthy acting with just a glance or a hand squeeze.

When I was at BYU I took a New Testament class from Wilfred Griggs, the scriptorian and Egyptologist who says the GR notes with Greek translations in your LDS scriptures really stand for "Griggs." One day in class he hit a tangent and told us about driving to work that morning with his wife and having some conversation that involved perfect understanding and love. He told us that while he and wife thought they knew each other and loved each other as newlyweds, that was nothing compared with the understanding and resulting deeper love they enjoyed after years of marriage.

I agree. Mark and I loved each other deeply in those early days. But after nineteen years, I know Mark. I know his dreams and fears and inner workings. So even the parts that drive me batty--I see how those fit into the whole package of the man that I love, even more now than before.